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Sep. 13th, 2010

Reality bites

Life as a counselor

I am going into my fourth week as a full fledge counselor. By now I have conducted therapy sessions, done progress notes, diagnosed disorders, and developed treatment plans. My very first client, without revealing too much detail, was a court ordered suicide risk where I was given the task to assess the potential danger they may pose to them self and/or others.

No pressure though.

After my first day I caught a rerun of Scrubs on late night tv and found myself laughing at parts that before didn't mean much to me. On that first day damn near anything can go wrong, and in a lot of ways things did go wrong. I screwed up the recording equipment, I forgot to file certain paper work, and more than once felt like I was way out of my league. Yet during my supervision time we looked back on the tapes of my sessions and my class all remarked how comfortable I looked sitting there with these people. One of my classmates said she thought it was funny how easily I kicked back in my seat with a look of relaxation on my face. They wanted to know why I didn't look as scared as they all had on their videos. For a while I thought some of them believed I was arrogant and got all the easy cases. They still might for all I know, but the truth is, I was scared shitless. To me I looked every bit as scared as they did.

I had/have no idea what the hell I should be doing with a client in session. The only thing that made sitting in that chair easier, if you could even call it that, is thinking about how it must be to be the person sitting across from me. To them, I'm supposed to be the guy who fixes them, and if they have a drug addiction or a court order than they may not believe they have anything wrong with them in the first place. I'm a strange guy they never met before, to some of them nothing more than just a kid, and in some cases what I write and do will determine whether some of them will get to go home at the end of the day or go back to a cell. To others I symbolize part of the structure that for whatever reason they can't seem to function in. It's okay to be scared. But I'll never forget that they're a million times more scared of me than I am of them.

In the end, it goes back to that first episode of Scrubs. I got into this because I wanted to help people. And since that first day things have become almost second nature. I stopped wondering about what to ask next and instead focus on just having a conversation. When all that stopped being a worry things did, to some degree, get easier.

The fear will never be gone. Every day I go into that clinic I won't know who will be coming through that door. As HP Lovecraft once wrote, man's greatest fear is the fear of the unknown, but I can't help sitting back and feeling the excitement of discovery too.

I love what I do.

Jul. 17th, 2010



Jul. 8th, 2010


Lebron Lebron Lebron....

Unless you've been living in a box or have no concept of television, radio, newspapers, or conversing with another living soul, there is no doubt the Lebron madness hasn't managed to find you throughout these past few weeks, hell, years.

So what's the issue? Lebron wants to win a ring. To do that he wants to decided which team gives him the best chance to win.

That's what he said. Now here's the question....is that statement true or false?

Tonight at 9 pm ESPN is holding a television special called 'The Decision' where Lebron will tell the world where he will grace us with his presence next year. The decision will be in the first ten minutes followed by an hour on conjecture and pundits repeating over and over that they knew that would be his choice all along. The real fun part, though, is that the special is not EPSN's doing. Lebron went to them and asked to hold the show, with the supposed proceeds from advertising going to charity.

Charity. Really? How about because he wants his ego stroked?

For three years he has teased the world about his free agency. He mentions a favorite burrow of New York he likes, he mentions he loves the coach in Chicago. He wears a yankees cap at an Indians playoff game and he goes to a Browns game dressed in Dallas Cowboys attire and visits the Cowboys sidelines (and ignore the Cleveland sidelines). He started up his own website to give out tid bits about his decision making process and refused to go to other cities sans other free agents and instead makes them come here. He drove to his meetings in three different $40,000 cars and showed up to his meetings in a t shirt and shorts. Since he was 13 people have worshipped him for his skills, and have courted him in every way short of offering to have his baby.

Charity? I think not. People have created a monster with Lebron, and in all his glory is loving every second of it. He's played this town and other cities across the nation as fools and as fools people keep gluing their eyes to their cell phones, teleivisions, and radios in a mad attempt to decipher the Lebron madness. It has shown, above all else, our pathetic idolatry of sports stars and celebrities. People crave this nonesense.

Will Lebron stay or go? I honestly don't give a shit. If he stays he helps with the city's economy as people pretend to like basketball. If he leaves I'll still have class tomorrow, work this weekend, and I'll still have my birthday next year. Life will go on, as much as ESPN and Sports Illustrated would like us to think otherwise. Did you know they have published articles with supposed economists about how Cleveland will die off if Lebron leaves because of what he brings in to businesses? Uh, has this guy ever taken a walk down Ontario, 4th street, or Euclid Avenue? Short of Lebron's picture on the side of a building , there's still nothing but slums, the homesless, and a county under federal investigation for wide stem corruption. He's leaving only takes away the distraction until Browns season starts.

I can't wait until this crap is over.

September 2010



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